Mindful Breathing:
This is the core practice I work with most of my clients. It is quite relaxing. It is also a great way to experience the in-the-moment awareness that is a mindful perspective. This is because the exercise involves directing prolonged attention to various things that are easily accessible—like things that you see, hear, and feel. It is generally easy to notice when your attention has wandered from these things, so you are able to gently guide your attention back to what you had been focusing on.
- Sit comfortably in a chair or on the floor.
- Try to be in a place that is quiet and where you are alone.
- Take a visual scan of that which is around you. Take in the details of what you see. Notice that you will likely see visual details that you had missed before. If you like, choose an object or other pattern or texture and give it your full visual attention. Notice how when you do that, your attention tends to move from your internal experience to that which is outside of you. This can be a helpful technique when you are feeling particularly stressed inside. All the while remembering to breathe.
- After a while let your eyelids get heavier and then let the focus of your eyes soften and eventually close your eyes.
- Notice and get acclimated to any sounds that might be going on around you. Bring those sounds to the center of your attention. Notice that the sounds deepen and get richer when you attend to them. All the while remembering to breathe.
- Then bring your focus to the sensation of your body against the chair or the floor. Attend to how you feel against the chair and how it supports you. Notice that you become much more aware of your body when your focus is brought to it. That reminds us that so much of our experience of life is where we choose to put our focus. All the while remembering to breathe.
- Check to see if you notice any muscle tension in your body. If you find any, try to let those muscles relax, all the while remembering to breathe. As you do this exercise over time, do you notice the tension in the same areas of your body? If so, you might want to check in with that area during the day to see if you are carrying any tension there and let it go. Don’t forget to breathe.
- Then start to breathe deeply in through your nose, so that your stomach pushes out and you feel your chest expand. You might even notice that your shoulders push back a little against your chair as your body expands.
- Then breathe out through your nose and place your focus on the sensation of air leaving your body and the sense of relaxation that comes in when you do.
- Continue to breathe in this manner.
- Keep your mind focused on your breath. Just notice the sensation of breathing. This could be in your nose, in your chest, or in your stomach, or somewhere else in your body. Notice the breath coming in your body and the relaxation that follows when you exhale.
- Your mind is going to wander. This is normal and expectable. When you notice it wandering, just gently bring your focus back to the breath. Don’t criticize yourself for your mind wandering. That’s what minds do.
- You can do this for 3 through 5 minutes or longer, depending how comfortable you are with the process. Probably in the beginning five minutes will seem like a long time. It is fine if you want to set a timer on your phone to go off when you want to start coming out of the exercise.
- When the timer goes off, or when you are ready to stop, bring your focus back to your body against the chair or the floor. How does it feel now? Is there still tension there? Did it change? Allow yourself to relax those muscles if you notice tension there. All the while remembering to breathe.
- Then bring your focus to the sounds around you. Take them in for a few moments, with the sounds occupying the center of your attention. Keep breathing.
- Slowly open your eyes when you are ready.
- Before you get up and move forward with your day, take a moment or two to observe the sense of relaxation and stillness you are likely to be experiencing. Try to remember how you felt after the exercise at various points subsequently during your day. Try to remember that the relaxation and stillness you experienced are always there to return to when you need to.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation:
This is a practice in which we alternate tensing and then releasing various muscle groups in order to eventually induce a state of whole bodily relaxation.
Why would we make ourselves tense in order to relax?
One reason is that when we intentionally tense (i.e., contract) a muscle or muscle group and then let it go, a noticeable sense of relaxation floods into that muscle or muscle group. We have caused the muscle group to do work and then we let it go on a small vacation afterwards. That feels good.
A second reason is that this exercise gives us some insight into how much tension our body can carry through the course of the day without us noticing it. Essentially PMR (like the portion of the breathing exercise where we focus on any muscle tension) helps to get us in touch with our body. We learn to notice the signs of excess muscle tension and we also learn the way to respond to that tension—by pausing and then intentionally letting muscles and muscle groups go. If you practice this exercise a good deal you are likely to find that you naturally start to engage in the process of pausing, checking in with your body, noticing tension (because it will probably be there), and letting your muscles go.
There are many variations of the PMR practice. Some start with your head and work down while others start with your feet and go up. Some involve smaller muscle groups and have more steps. I like this one as a place for clients to start because it can be done in a relatively short period of time and it is easy to remember the muscle groups and the way to tense each one because there are only four of them.
To get ready to start:
Sit comfortably in your chair, with your back straight (not leaning against the back of the chair) and with both feet solidly and completely on the ground. Feel a sense of being supported by your chair, and that the soles of the feet are connecting you to the ground.
Then prepare your body to do a little work. Stretch your arms out from the sides of your body so that they are fully extended and bring them back in. Enjoy the sensation of stretching. Do this several times. Then repeat the process, but this time lifting your arms up above your head several times.
For the PMR part, we are going to start with your feet, ankles and legs and work our way up.
Feet/Ankles/Legs:
While sitting in your chair, lift both feet several inches off the ground. Then try to point your toes towards the ceiling. While you are doing this, try to bring your knees together with some pressure and also lift the back of your legs off the chair. (If you can’t lift the backs of your legs off the chair, that is not a problem. Lifting your feet off the floor generates a good deal of tension just on its own.) You will notice tension increase in your ankles, calves, thighs, and lower back areas. Attend to and be mindful of this tension. Hold this position for 15 seconds, or less if 15 seconds seems too long. Notice the tension build and eventually start to feel somewhat uncomfortable. (Don’t let the tension become pain. If it does, relax more.) Then let your feet come slowly back down to the floor and your thighs return to the chair. Attend to the sense of relaxation that comes into the areas you had just been tensing for about 15 seconds.
Arms:
Hold your arms parallel to the ground with your palms facing towards the ceiling. Then clench both fists and bring your arms in towards your body so that your forearms are pressed tightly to your biceps. At the same time, press your arms tightly to your sides. Be mindful of the tension that exists in your hands, forearms, shoulders, and chest. Hold this position for about 15 seconds, or less if 15 seconds seems too long. Notice the tension build and eventually start to feel somewhat uncomfortable. (Don’t let the tension become pain. If it does, relax more.) Then let your arms fall slowly back towards the floor and release them from your sides. Attend to the sense of relaxation that comes into the areas you had just been tensing for about 15 seconds.
Shoulders and Abdomen:
Raise your shoulders towards the ceiling, like you are trying to touch your ears with your shoulders. Then suck in your stomach as if someone were pushing on it. Attend to the tension in the front and back of your shoulders, your abdomen, and your neck. Hold this position for about 15 seconds, or less if 15 seconds seems too long. Notice the tension build and eventually start to feel somewhat uncomfortable. (Don’t let the tension become pain. If it does, relax more.) Then let your shoulders fall to a natural position and let your stomach muscles relax so that it expands back to normal. Attend to the sense of relaxation that comes into the areas you had just been tensing for about 15 seconds.
Face and Neck:
Tilt your head down so that your chin is pressing down towards your chest. Then bring your back teeth together (not too hard) so that your jaw tenses. Then use your facial muscles to draw your mouth into a frown. (It really does take more work to frown than it does to smile!) Attend to the tension in your jaw, neck, and face. Hold this position for about 15 seconds, or less if 15 seconds seems too long. Notice the tension build and eventually start to feel somewhat uncomfortable. (Don’t let the tension become pain. If it does, relax more.) Then bring your chin up, relax your jaw, and stop frowning. Attend to the sense of relaxation that comes into the areas you had just been tensing for about 15 seconds.
By this time, you are likely to notice that your body feels pretty relaxed.
As you go through your day, get into the habit of checking in with your body to see if you are carrying muscle tension. It is the body’s natural tendency to carry stress in the muscles, just like it is the mind’s natural tendency to connect with worry over things that we are not able to control, thereby adding fuel to our emotional fires. Muscle tension, unnoticed yet carried, can feed anxiety because the body’s muscle tension is unconsciously interpreted by the mind as a signal that there is something to be worried about.
Imagery Practice:
This relaxation practice involves immersing yourself (and your senses) in a place that is calming to you. It can be a place you create entirely in your own imagination or it can be a place you have been before, or some combination. Immersing yourself in a calming image can be like a small vacation from the stress, sadness, frustration, and anxiety that can pile up in the course of life. Getting small, healthy breaks from our troubles can reduce their sense of unrelenting urgency and their mental and emotional intensity. Again, where we choose to put our focus has significant impact on how we are feeling.
The first step for this practice is to choose the place or places that you want to visit in your images. Some people choose a place with which they are familiar, and which is peaceful, safe, or inspiring to them. Other people choose to create a place they may have never seen but which connotes relaxation, safety, or wonder. If you choose a place with which you are familiar feel free to introduce any details you like, whether they exist there in real life or not. As you practice this exercise, it is likely that the place or places you choose will become more detailed and embellished, and the relaxation more compelling. The important part of the image is that it is a strong one for you and that it feels like your own.
Step two is working the actual imagery practice. This is one way to go about it that I have found helpful for people to start to become familiar with the process.
Pretend that you are in an old-fashioned movie theater. Aside from you, the theater is otherwise empty. It’s quiet and dim, but not dark. You are standing in the back of the theater, looking towards the screen in front of you. In front of the screen is a stage. Imagine you can see the image of the place you want to visit already displayed on the screen. That is the perspective you have of it now. Get a sense of the image from afar. See what details you can make out. Take in the entire picture of the image from this distance.
Then start to walk down the carpeted center aisle closer towards the screen. You can feel yourself getting closer to your destination. It’s getting more clearly in view now and you can see more. By this time, you can start to hear the different sounds that accompany the visual images you are seeing. Take a minute to look and listen before you move closer.
Start walking towards the screen again, continuing to take in the image before you and listening to the sounds that accompany it. As you get to the foot of the stage, climb the few stairs that take you up on to the stage. At this point, you are right in front of the screen, close enough almost to reach out and touch the image. Take another minute and take in the image at this distance. Notice how you can see more, hear more, and you feel more a part of the place. You are almost there.
The last thing to do now is to walk the last few steps towards the screen. Then walk into the screen, into your image. You are there now, and it’s real—no longer just an image but somewhere where you are. Take some time to explore the area. See what is around you, hear the sounds that are part of your image, notice the different aromas that are a part of your image, and feel the ground beneath your feet. You can stay there as long as you like.
Once you have entered your image, let yourself explore it as you will. Let yourself be there, experiencing the various aspects that make it such a peaceful place for you. For instance, if your image is a meadow, take time to experience the sun warming your skin and the feel of the ground beneath you as you lie in the grass looking up at the blue sky. Watch the clouds passing above you and hear the call of the birds that sing in the trees.